The In Between Times

Alot of people ask me “where do you get your energy!?!” The short answer is: I have no idea.

When I moved into hubby’s condo in 2012 my life changed drastically. I started to discover a love for DIY home improvement and repair, and started this blog in 2013 to chronicle my many projects. However, around the same time period, I also developed “manic episodes” where I can’t sit still and all I want to do is work on projects and be busy. The manic phases last for about 4 months, with my brain going a mile a minute. All I can think about is “projects, projects, projects!” On the weekends I wake up early, raring to go, and work all day. On work days I start right up again as soon as I get home. I’m always looking around thinking “maybe that could use a new coat of paint [or stain]”, or “the catio needs an overhaul!”, or “I need to make another stained glass frame”, etc. Thankfully my brain shuts off and I sleep like a baby at night, or I’d crash a lot sooner than I do!

And, if for some reason I can’t find a project to do, I’ll do something insane like organize 16 years of digital photographs and scan my favorite non-digital ones into the cloud. Or I’ll go through our closets and make huge piles to donate to good will. The problem with manic phases is: they end. And when mine end, I crash for weeks. And right now I’m in one of those crashes.

It’s NOT manic-depression. I do suffer from clinical depression [and have since puberty], but the manic phases are something else. And the crashes aren’t depressive, they’re defined by a complete lack of energy and zero ambition to work on projects. Even fun ones. I spend my weekends and evenings binge watching TV, reading more books than usual, or sitting in the yard with the cats & sipping tea or wine. I don’t like these in-between times. I get frustrated because I WANT to be doing stuff! I just can’t muster the energy to do anything [besides getting up and going to work, which is the most important thing].

I just wanted to post this to prove I do not always have endless energy. If you go back through my blog you can see periods of manic energy [multiple overlapping projects completed or being worked on for weeks on end] and the periods of nothingness where I attempt to post SOMETHING, but the posts are just filler so you don’t think I’ve abandoned my blog. I have discussed these manic episodes [and resultant crashes] with my doctors and therapist, and they don’t know what to make of them. It’s definitely not “normal”, but since I focus all my energy on being productive and/or creative [versus going on drinking benders or crime sprees] they aren’t too worried as long as I’m not. And I’m not worried. I’ve grown to enjoy the manic phases because I get SO MUCH DONE. I just hate the crashes. I actually charted it out and I seem to be manic for 4 months, then “normal” for 2. It repeats over and over, starting when I moved into the condo in February 2012. And since I’m about 5 weeks into my “normal”/crash phase, I figure my crazy energy will be coming back sometime around mid-July.