The In Between Times

Alot of people ask me “where do you get your energy!?!” The short answer is: I have no idea.

When I moved into hubby’s condo in 2012 my life changed drastically. I started to discover a love for DIY home improvement and repair, and started this blog in 2013 to chronicle my many projects. However, around the same time period, I also developed “manic episodes” where I can’t sit still and all I want to do is work on projects and be busy. The manic phases last for about 4 months, with my brain going a mile a minute. All I can think about is “projects, projects, projects!” On the weekends I wake up early, raring to go, and work all day. On work days I start right up again as soon as I get home. I’m always looking around thinking “maybe that could use a new coat of paint [or stain]”, or “the catio needs an overhaul!”, or “I need to make another stained glass frame”, etc. Thankfully my brain shuts off and I sleep like a baby at night, or I’d crash a lot sooner than I do!

bachelor button flowers in our yard        purple flowers in the ipswich river

And, if for some reason I can’t find a project to do, I’ll do something insane like organize 16 years of digital photographs and scan my favorite non-digital ones into the cloud. Or I’ll go through our closets and make huge piles to donate to good will. The problem with manic phases is: they end. And when mine end, I crash for weeks. And right now I’m in one of those crashes.

It’s NOT manic-depression. I do suffer from clinical depression [and have since puberty], but the manic phases are something else. And the crashes aren’t depressive, they’re defined by a complete lack of energy and zero ambition to work on projects. Even fun ones. I spend my weekends and evenings binge watching TV, reading more books than usual, or sitting in the yard with the cats & sipping tea or wine. I don’t like these in-between times. I get frustrated because I WANT to be doing stuff! I just can’t muster the energy to do anything [besides getting up and going to work, which is the most important thing].

drop of water on a blade of grass in our yard        red hibiscus in our yard

I just wanted to post this to prove I do not always have endless energy. If you go back through my blog you can see periods of manic energy [multiple overlapping projects completed or being worked on for weeks on end] and the periods of nothingness where I attempt to post SOMETHING, but the posts are just filler so you don’t think I’ve abandoned my blog. I have discussed these manic episodes [and resultant crashes] with my doctors and therapist, and they don’t know what to make of them. It’s definitely not “normal”, but since I focus all my energy on being productive and/or creative [versus going on drinking benders or crime sprees] they aren’t too worried as long as I’m not. And I’m not worried. I’ve grown to enjoy the manic phases because I get SO MUCH DONE. I just hate the crashes. I actually charted it out and I seem to be manic for 4 months, then “normal” for 2. It repeats over and over, starting when I moved into the condo in February 2012. And since I’m about 5 weeks into my “normal”/crash phase, I figure my crazy energy will be coming back sometime around mid-July.

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8 Comments

  1. I know this feeling, but even at your laziest, you are still getting more done than I am!

    • Nine Dark Moons

      Yes, but your life is way more complex than mine! You are always traveling, volunteering, hosting people from other nations, being awesome foster parents, visiting family and friends 🙂 Hubby and I are pretty solitary creatures by nature, so we spend most of our non-working time curled up at home, enjoying each others company and our furry kids 🙂

  2. Deine Schwester

    I know it als inner unrest.
    Ich kenne es als innere Unruhe.
    Beer is better than wine for the nerves.
    Bier ist besser als Wein für die Nerven.
    Liebe Grüsse

  3. A very interesting description of your up-and-down energy. Maybe after 4 months of manic energy, your mind and body just need a few weeks “off” to recharge. You’re a very creative person, and I’ve read that so many artists have similar on and off periods. I guess the trick is to be at peace with your rhythms.
    Great pix of the family! I’ve become a Franc fan!

    • Nine Dark Moons

      yes, my brain needs a total rest after all the manic energy! work has been crazy too, for months on end, so that’s also affecting my energy levels. i like what you said about artists 🙂 that makes me feel not quite so crazy. i’m so glad you’re becoming a franc fan! he’s an incredible rat. one of the very best 🙂

  4. The next time you’re in a ‘busy’ phase and can’t find anything to do at home, just give us a call!

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